The author of this post, Kelly Grayson, NREMT-P, CCEMT-P, is a critical care paramedic in Louisiana. He has spent the past 14 years as a field paramedic, critical care transport paramedic, field supervisor and educator. Reproduced in part with permission from EMS1.com.

It happened again yesterday. My partner, a relatively inexperienced EMT, asked the question we’ve all asked at one point or another: “So, if you’ve had this for a week, what made it an emergency at 3 a.m.?”

Bless his sparky little rookie heart. He still actually believes that ambulances are for, well you know, emergency calls. He wanted to know why our 50-year-old patient had been self-medicating her sore ankle with booze and Lortab for the past six days, instead of going to the ER when the injury happened. He was understandably curious as to why someone would call an ambulance for chronic gout, especially when we had to maneuver our stretcher past four perfectly functioning cars in the driveway and a handful of able-bodied relatives in the living room to even reach the patient. I knew why.

Because they were all blooming idiots, that’s why.

But my poor partner, still clinging to the faint shred of hope that at least some of our patients may actually be, well … sick, just had to know. Call it morbid curiosity. Call it misplaced optimism. Call it whatever you like; but if you don’t think you’re going to like the answer, it’s probably best not to even ask the question. That’s a lesson my rookie friend has yet to learn.

When the patient told us that she was running low on her Lortab, and had been out of her gout medicine for a week, and that ambulance rides and narcotics administered in the ER were free, I think I saw the last shred of his idealism boil out of his ears like indignant steam from a teakettle. It was actually kind of cute, in an “Aaaawwww, they grow up so fast!” kind of way.

My reaction? I just shrugged and spoke the words I always do in such situations: “Watch your head when you climb in the truck, Ma’am. And what hospital are we going to this evening?”

To read the top 10 questions you’re better off not asking (unless you’re a rookie), click here.

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